Why I Cried Today

I cried today. Not just a little tear, but heart wrenching sobs.

write your cancer workshopMaybe I’m tired, maybe I’m stressed, maybe I let cancer related issues get to me. But it all began with a phone call.

I was building a website for a guy who wants to share his cancer story with his kids and let them know that he will always be in their hearts, even if he’s not around. (Already a tear jerker). And the phone rang. I chat to people all the time about their cancer journeys and where they are at, what they want to write about, who they want to write for, etc. etc.

I spoke at length to a lovely lady who was terminally ill. She was still trying to look after her family as best she could, and was so positive about what she wanted for them, it was beautiful. She wanted to begin a blog for her grandchildren who were scattered around the world as she knew she wouldn’t be able to see them to speak to. Her illness presented her from traveling and she wanted to share her story.

I felt quite guilty afterwards for speaking with her for so long, when it would have been such an effort on her part, and would have exhausted her. But we made a date to meet and I will be able to chat to her in person and help her with her story.

But that’s not why I cried.

Why I Cried

As we talked, she mentioned the Advanced Breast Cancer Group.

“The Advanced Breast Cancer Group provides an opportunity for women to talk freely with other women with advanced breast cancer, to share their experience of diagnosis and treatment, to explore fears about having a life threatening illness and to find ways of living with cancer.”

She spoke about the women who had passed, the women who were in rural areas and didn’t even have email or internet access and the women who had found a safe haven to come to where they could talk about anything they wanted to – including death and dying.

I have never been touched before like I have today. Even though I watched my active mum pass away from secondary cancer over a 5 month period, watch my sister finally come out of her cancer journey with an excellent result, live day to day with friends who have primary and secondary tumours in their bodies and share the cancer journey with my husband 24/7, I haven’t cried like I cried today for a very long time.

The thought of these ladies all getting together to talk to each other, support each other, and learn from each other, yet having to deal with group members passing on all the time, must be something that only strong, positive, incredible women can do.  And I don’t know how they do it.

I felt their pain, their frustrations, their positiveness, their sadness and their grief as I talked to this lady today. And it touched me.

That’s why I cried.

 

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